Before I answer your question, I first need to ask you a couple of questions.
- Does your wife know that you want to subscribe to your gym crush’s OnlyFans?
- If not, why are you hiding this from her?
I have a feeling the answers are:
- Your wife does not know.
- You’re hiding this from her because you think she’d be upset if she knew.
So yes, I think it would be “weird or problematic” if you subscribed. You’re keeping secrets from your wife because you don’t think she’d approve of what you’re doing. This is bad. You’re not trying to subscribe to this guy’s OnlyFans to help him out in his career. You’re subscribing because you have a big ol’ crush old him. You’re flirting a little at the gym, and you want to keep flirting with him at home. This is a slippery slope.
Before we get any further, let me make it crystal clear that there’s nothing inherently wrong with subscribing to OnlyFans. In fact, I think it’s a great way to support sex workers directly. That’s why my bisexual ass subscribes to seven different models.
Every relationship is unique, and different couples have different rules when it comes to what constitutes cheating. But when you’re in a relationship, here’s why subscribing to OnlyFans could potentially be problematic: Unlike porn, you get to interact and message the models. You begin to feel like you know them intimately. That sense of intimacy, and feeling like you’re in the room with them when they fuck or masturbate, is the whole appeal of OnlyFans. Things can only get dicier when you also interact with the person IRL, outside of the app.
Let’s get into why I really don’t think you should subscribe to this dude’s OnlyFans. I shared your query with Jason Woodrum, ACSW, a licensed therapist at New Method Wellness. TBH, based on the fact that you’ve already escalated from casual hellos to following each other on Instagram, he’s worried you might already be contemplating some kind of infidelity.
“Is there an underlying desire to gain more recognition from this person, and if so, how does this square with your desire to remain faithful?” he asks.
I’m going to answer his questions for you. Yes, there is clearly an underlying desire to gain more recognition from your gym crush. As for your desire to remain faithful? You claim you want to now, but buddy boy, you’re playing with fire.
Nothing good can come from subscribing. Best case scenario, seeing him naked somehow takes away his allure. (At which point, why subscribe?) More realistically, your crush will intensify, and you’ll want his perky booty. It will start as flirty messages on OnlyFans, but then you’ll begin making eyes at him in the locker room. He’ll linger nude before wrapping the towel around his perfect dick. He’ll then head to the sauna. You’ll follow him…And BAM, you’re cheating!
He’s not a random dude on OnlyFans. He’s a guy you already find hot, have a crush on (whether you admit this or not), and can see naked IRL in one of the most highly sexualized environments for queer men: a locker room.
But even if you never ended up getting it on in the locker room, secretly subscribing to his account would still be problematic. “This could be considered a form of cheating depending on your emotional investment, and whether or not your wife would feel betrayed,” says sex and relationship expert Shamyra Howard, LCSW. “Micro cheating is defined as a small instance of emotional investment with someone outside of your primary relationship, and it usually happens via apps, social media, texting, and other online platforms.”
With gym crush out of the way, how about subscribing to other hot dudes on OnlyFans? I don’t know your wife, and I don’t know your relationship. Everyone has different definitions of cheating, especially with recent advances in technology: Does sending nudes count as cheating? What about receiving nudes? What about still having Tinder downloaded even though you’re now monogamous? What about replying to a thirst trap story on Instagram with “So sexy.” It all depends on what you and your wife agree upon.
I’d go ahead and have a conversation with her on what counts as cheating in your relationship. In that convo, you can set clear ground rules on what you and she would feel comfortable with when it comes to subscribing to OnlyFans and flirting with folks online. I think it’s fair to say: “Hey, so you know I watch gay porn as a way to stay in touch with my attractions to men. I was wondering if it would be OK if I started subscribing to some guys OnlyFan accounts, which can be a little bit more intimate because of messaging.” You can also ask about messaging hunks on Instagram, in case that tickles your fancy. While having this conversation, I would make it clear you still love her and want to be with her monogamously; you’re just craving a little more male attention.
If she gives you the go-ahead, subscribe to literally any other guy on OnlyFans besides your gym buddy. Best part is, after that convo, you’ll be able to look at all the abs and dicks you want guilt-free.